Stimpy's Pregnant
by CrazyCartoonChick236
Summary: (Rated M for language and suggestive themes) Ren and Stimpy find out that they're going to be parents. They're excited and can't wait for the new baby, but on the way, they face challenges that make it difficult for them, even before the child is born.


One afternoon, Ren came home in a rather good mood. He had a good morning, he had a good day at work, and he had good news. He felt great when he got home. "Hello, Stimpy! I'm home!" Ren sang cheerfully.

Stimpy was wearing a pink apron and was vacuuming the rug. "Well, you seem chipper today! I'm guessing that SOMEONE had a nice day!" Stimpy walked up to him and pulled off his coat.

"You bet! Oh, I feel wonderful!" He kissed Stimpy on the cheek, took off his hat and set down his briefcase. He went over and sat on the couch with a big, wide grin on his face. "How was your day, Stimpy?"

"Oh it was pretty good! I cleaned, and cleaned. . . . . and cleaned some more."

"Why don't you take a break, Stimpy?" He patted his hand repeatedly on the couch. "Come sit with me."

Stimpy went over and sat down. He laid his head on Ren's shoulder and said, "I'm glad you had a good day today. You usually come home in a grumpy mood because of work."

"That's all gonna change! I have something great to tell you!" Ren said. "I got a promotion! I'm now the assistant manager!"

Stimpy gasped. "Oh my gosh! That's wonderful!" He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I'm so proud of you!"

Ren hugged back. "I know! This is gonna be awesome for us! Not only will I get paid extra, but we'll also see each other more because I only work 5 hours a day now!"

"That's great, honey! I'm so happy for you!" Stimpy congratulated. Then he leaned over and kissed him.

Ren giggled playfully and said, "Thanks sweetie!" Ren kissed Stimpy back, wrapping his arms around his waist, and Stimpy hugging his neck. When they finally let go of each other, they were gasping for air and full of lust.

"Let's take this into the bedroom." Ren said with a suggestive look on his face.

Stimpy said, "But I'm not tired yet!"

Ren laughed. "We're not going to sleep, silly!"

"Then why are we going to bed?"

Ren held Stimpy's hand. "We're going to have some fun!"

"What kind of fun? Like a game? Are we gonna play Twister?"

"Just follow me." Ren pulled him upstairs into the bedroom.

Stimpy sat on the bed and waited for whatever Ren had planned. "So, what are we doing, anyways?"

Ren got some candles and a cassette player out of the closet. He lit the candles and put a tape in the player and it played some sexy music. He turned the lights off and lay down on the bed. "What do you think?"

Stimpy just stared at him in confusion. Then he suddenly realized what was happening. "OH! Are we gonna. . . you know, have. . . . . sex?"

Ren made a dinging noise. "You got it, Einstein. Yes, that's what were gonna do. You ready?"

"I don't know. We've only done this a few times before. What if we blow up?"

"It'll be fine, Stimpy! I just have to be careful not to break you in two in the process." Ren got under the blankets.

Stimpy got under there too. "Hi, Ren! I can see you!"

Ren smiled crazily. "Come here, cutie!" He grabbed Stimpy and started kissing him.

They rocked the bed for hours. It was probably the most intense thing in the history of the world. Scientists were almost certain it almost created a black hole. They knocked everything off of the walls and the shelves of their room and downstairs of their house. And people could hear and feel it from a mile away. It was a long night for both of them. When they finally quit, they slept long and well.

2 weeks later at 11:00 am:

"Alright! I'm off to work! Thanks for the breakfast, Stimpy!" Ren gave Stimpy a good-bye kiss and walked out the door.

"Bye, Ren! Have a nice day at work!" Stimpy waved out the window. "Now, what should I do until he gets home?" He pondered for a moment, wondering about what he should do. "I could play a game! Or maybe watch TV! How about-"

Stimpy covered his stomach with his arms and bent over. "Oooh, I feel sick!" His stomach was making rumbling noises. He felt something come up and burn his throat. He covered his mouth and quickly ran into the bathroom and threw up in the toilet for about 30 minutes.

He came out of the bathroom, clutching his tummy and groaning constantly. "Groan! Oh, I feel terrible!" He went over and lay down on the couch. He felt his forehead. "I can't be sick! I was feeling fine this morning! Now I'm throwing up and I have a sudden craving for pickled ice-cream sandwiches with a side of pork chops!"

Stimpy crawled over to the phone and dialed in a number. "Maybe I should call my doctor about this. . . . Hello? Dr. Smithinson? I gotta ask you something!"

Hours later at Ren's work:

Ren was sitting back in his spinny chair with his feet on his desk in his new office. He had just finished sorting out some papers was enjoying a nice, warm cup of coffee. "Aw, man! It's so great being second in command! I get my own office and I get to boss around my old co-workers!" He started laughing and sipping from his mug.

Mr. Boss Man poked his head into the doorway. "Hey, Hoek! I'm closing this place 30 minutes early today! I need you to lock up when I leave."

"Wait, why?" Ren asked.

"Because I have to go out of town for some kind of thingy for the company or something. I'm leaving early so I can go home and pack. Also, you're in charge for the rest of the month. Anyway, tally-ho!" He waved and walked out of the building.

"OK, boss! I can totally- I'M IN CHARGE?!" He jumped out of his seat and started dancing around and laughing wildly. He locked up the building and hopped into his car and started driving home.

Back with Stimpy:

Stimpy was walking back and forth along the living room floor, waiting for Ren to get back. "How am I gonna tell him? What'll he say? Is he gonna be happy about it?"

The doorknob turned and Ren walked through the front door humming and smiling as wide as The Joker. "I'm home, Stimpy!"

Stimpy ran up and hugged him tightly around his waist. "Oh, Ren! I'm so glad you're home! I've been waiting all day for you to come back!" He grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently. "Ren Ren Ren Ren Ren! I've got something to tell you! I'm-"

"Stimpy, PLEASE stop shaking me like that!" Ren pushed him away and brushed himself off. "Anyways, I got another promotion! Well, kind of. It's only for the rest of the month, but I'm THE boss now! I'll get paid even MORE this whole month!"

"That's great, honey! You sure are getting a lot of promotions!"

"Yep. I'm just that cool. So, how was your day?" Ren asked.

"My day was fantastic! And I have wonderful news! You see, I-"

Ren interrupted, "Hey, Stimpy, could you go into the kitchen and fix dinner? I'm starving!"

Stimpy frowned and sighed. "Okay." He slumped into the kitchen and got a pan out of the cupboards. "Would you like a leftover log?"

"Oh, boy! You make the best leftover log!" Ren said from the living room.

Stimpy managed a smiled. He got a bunch of crap in plastic containers from the refrigerators and threw it all in the pan. He mixed it up and put it in the oven. He went over and sat with Ren in the living room.

Ren put his arm behind Stimpy's neck. "Hey, Stimpy! Muddy Mudskipper's on 'The Tonight Show'! You wanna watch it? If not then I'm watching 'Teen Mom' or something."

"Oh. . . It's tempting, but," Stimpy moved his arm from behind him and put it down. "I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" Ren asked curiously.

"Well, I don't really know how to say this." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, uh. . . . Today while you were at work, I got bored. So I threw up and I ate a gross sandwich. So I called the doctor and told him I wasn't feeling good, and-"

"Ugh! Spit it out, man!" Ren yelled out.

"I'm sorry! I just don't know how to say it!"

"Just say it! If you have something to say, then say it, damn it!" Ren shouted.

Stimpy's eyes started to water. "I. . . I'm-"

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound coming from the kitchen, signaling that dinner was ready.

"I'll go get it." Stimpy got the leftover log from the oven and put it on the table.

After they ate:

Ren and Stimpy were lying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep.

"Thanks for dinner, Stimpy. It was good!" Ren said, smiling.

Stimpy didn't look up. "You're welcome," he said in a monotone voice.

"Hey, Stimpy? You haven't said a word since dinner. Are you OK?" Ren asked.

Stimpy growled. "Oh yeah, I'm fine!" he said angrily.

"Are- are you mad or something?" Ren scooted closer to him.

Stimpy sat up and sighed, "I've been trying to tell you something all night and you won't let me say it! And it's REALLY important!"

Ren frowned. "Sorry. I guess I was just full of pride since I got my promotions. I mean, I'm the BOSS now for this month! I can finally-"

"Ren!" Stimpy exclaimed.

"Sorry! I'm sorry!" Ren sheepishly smiled. "Go ahead, Stimpy. If you wanna tell me something, I'm all ears."

"Thanks," Stimpy gulped. "OK. Remember a couple of weeks ago? That one night?"

"What one night? You gotta be more specific," said Ren.

"You know," Stimpy rubbed his arm in embarrassment. "that one night when we, uh, 'had fun'."

Ren thought for a moment. "Oh. Oh yeah! You mean when we had sex, right?"

Stimpy blushed. "Yeah, that."

"What about it?" Ren asked.

"Well, today I found out that, um. . ." Stimpy chuckled nervously.

"You don't have to be scared to tell me anything, Stimpy." Ren held his hand and smiled at him.

Stimpy smiled back. His heart started racing. "Alright, here it goes." He breathed in. "Ren, you're going to be. . . a dad."

"What?" Ren blinked.

"You're gonna be a dad! I'm pregnant!" Stimpy smiled big, showing his teeth.

Ren's eyes widened. ". . . Really?"

"Uh-huh!" Stimpy said, waiting for Ren to respond.

Ren just stared Stimpy, a smile slowly appearing on his face. "I'm. . . I'm gonna be a father?"

"Yes!"

A tear came down Ren's face. "That-that's amazing!" He hugged Stimpy and leaned against him.

Stimpy looked at him. "Ren, are you crying?"

Ren wiped his face. "I'm not crying!" He let go of him and held his hands. "Stimpy, you've made me the happiest Asthma-Hound Chihuahua alive!"

"Can you believe it? We're gonna have a little one around the house! A baby! A little boy or girl!" Stimpy squealed.

"Oh my God! I'm speechless! This is better news than the Ratchet and Clank Movie" Ren gasped.

"I know!" Stimpy lay back down in the bed. "Hey Ren, it's getting late, and I'm kinda tired. Let's get some sleep." Stimpy yawned.

"But I don't wanna!" Ren whined.

Stimpy said, "Well, then you can stay up. But I'm going to go to sleep. I'm suddenly exhausted."

Ren sighed. "Okay, sweetie. Sleep well."

Stimpy turned over to sleep. He fell asleep quickly and was soon snoring away.

But Ren spent the next hour thinking about Stimpy and the baby, and how great it will be when it's born. He thought about playing baseball with it if it were a boy, and playing horsie with it if it were a girl. He was looking forward to it.

Later at 4:00 am in the morning:

Ren was woken up by strange noises coming from the bathroom. He noticed that Stimpy wasn't in bed. He got up, opened the door and saw Stimpy ducking over the toilet, puking his guts out. "Stimpy, are you OK?"

Stimpy sat up and looked at Ren. He had bags under his eyes and messy hair. "I've been in here for 2 hours! Why can't I stop?!" Stimpy went back to vomiting.

"It's natural! Every woman goes through this during pregnancy!" Ren explained. "Besides, you'll wish you were still throwing up when you go through some of the other symptoms!"

Stimpy looked up. "How long is this gonna last?"

"What, the pregnancy or you throwing up?" Ren asked.

"Both."

"Well, the barfing only lasts through weeks 2-8. But you'll be pregnant for another 9 months." Ren replied.

"9 months? Aw, crap!" Stimpy complained.

"Don't worry! It'll be over before you know it!" Ren yawned and stretched. "I'm going back to bed. Wake me if you need anything."

Stimpy was still puking and coughing violently in the toilet. "Oh my God, KILL ME NOW!"

Later:

Stimpy fell asleep on the bathroom floor. He woke up with the sun shining on his eyes. He groaned and moaned while getting up and going downstairs. He saw Ren lounging on the couch watching TV.

Ren saw Stimpy standing there, looking exhausted. "Stimpy! How are you this morning?" Ren said, smiling.

"Tired." Stimpy told him. He went over and sat back and relaxed on the couch.

Ren scooted next to him. "Do you need anything?"

"I need a nap."

"You just got up!" Ren laughed.

"I was up all night throwing up." He turned to look at Ren with a sad expression. "I feel horrible, Ren!"

Ren frowned. "I'm sorry, honey! I'll be here for you today! Since I'm the temporary boss, I can do whatever I want! Now I can stay home with you!" He smiled and leaned on Stimpy's shoulder.

"I don't think you should be doing that, Ren! You could get in trouble!" Stimpy suggested.

"Don't worry about it! My boss won't find out! Besides, you'll need me more than those morons at work." He placed a hand on Stimpy's stomach and started rubbing it. "I can't wait for that baby to pop out."

Stimpy smiled slightly. "You're gonna have to wait 9 months for it, apparently."

"What do you wanna name it?"

"What? We just found out I was pregnant yesterday and you're already thinking of naming it? We don't even know what it is yet."

"I know. I'm just so excited for some reason." Ren sighed.

Stimpy giggled. "I am, too!" He looked down at his firm belly and patted it. "I wonder how many are in there!"

"I don't think I could handle more than one, Stimpy."

"I hope we have twins! Maybe even triplets! Or quadruplets!" Stimpy's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Whoa, there's NO way I'm putting up with that many crazy kids!" Ren argued.

"Okay." Stimpy looked up at Ren. "Could we at least have twins?"

"Maybe," Ren told him.

Stimpy cuddled up with him and sighed happily. "You know what, Ren? Being pregnant isn't so bad after all. Yeah, I vomit all the time and I'm always tired, but it's so rewarding."

"I'm glad you're feeling better about it, Stimpy." Ren said. He smiled and put his arm around him.

Stimpy yawned. "These 9 months will go by fast. I just know it."

Many months later:

Stimpy had stopped vomiting at this point, but other, more horrifying symptoms had crept up on him.

Ren just walked through the door. "Stimpy, I'm back from work early!"

Stimpy wasn't in the living room. Ren could hear flushing come from upstairs. He went up and saw a very bloated Stimpy walk out of the bathroom, holding his back. "Hi, Ren." Stimpy said weakly.

"Stimpy, are you feeling OK?" Ren asked. "You don't look so good."

"Yeah, I'm- Wait, what do you mean 'I don't look so good'?" Stimpy glared at him.

"I don't know, you just look tired and-"

"Are you trying to say I look fat?"

"What? No!"

"Don't lie to me, Ren! I know I look like some big cow!" Stimpy said angrily.

"Stimpy, you look fine!"

Stimpy suddenly started bawling and fell down on his knees. "I-I look ridiculous! I have dark spots all over!"

Ren smiled. "Really? I haven't noticed!" he lied through his teeth.

"Ren, I can't take this anymore! I've been going to the bathroom 20 times a day! My back is killing me! I can't even fit through the fucking doorways!"

Ren sat next to him on the floor and rubbed the tears off of Stimpy's face. "Stimpy, please don't cry! Remember about all the good things of pregnancy! The rewards it has in store!"

"Why didn't you tell me about all of these horrible symptoms before?" Stimpy asked aggressively.

"I didn't think it mattered!"

"Yeah, OK. You're right! It doesn't matter that you don't give me a head's up about mood swings or getting as big as a dump truck!"

Ren fell silent. He looked down and closed his eyes and sighed. "Stimpy, I'm really very sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now." He held Stimpy's cheeks in his hands. "But I'm very proud of how you've been dealing with it. I'm the luckiest man- err, dog in the world to have you as my wife, you know that?"

Stimpy's eyes lit up. "R-really?"

Ren smiled. "Yeah, really." He pulled Stimpy closer and gave him a long, rough, yet passionate kiss. Stimpy put his arms around his neck. He let go of him and looked at him. "And by the way, you look great for someone who's 8 and a half months pregnant."

Stimpy smiled sweetly and hugged Ren tightly. "I love you, Ren."

"I love you, too, Stimpy." Ren started wheezing. "Ow, Stimpy, you're crushing me!"

Stimpy let go of him. "Sorry!"

"Don't worry about it." Ren got up and held out his hand. "You need any help getting up?"

"Nah, I can do it." Stimpy tried to stand up, but kept falling down.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He grabbed onto the bed covers and pulled himself up. When he was finally on his feet, he was panting and gasping. "See? I'm not helpless!"

"Nope, you're certainly not helpless." Ren agreed. "You hungry?"

"Why do you always ask me that? Do I eat a lot or something?"

"Well, yeah, but that's okay!" Ren explained as they walked downstairs. "You need to eat a lot since you're eating for two now."

"This baby is so needy!" Stimpy held his swollen tummy and leaned onto the handrail. "H-hey Ren? Could you g-get me a blanket? I'm f-freezing!"

"Sure thing!" Ren quickly ran upstairs and grabbed the bed covers. He brought them to Stimpy, who was lying on the couch, and tucked him in it. "Is that better?"

"Yeah." Stimpy said.

"Okay, then. I'm gonna get to cooking." He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a skillet from a drawer and dropped it.

Stimpy sat up and asked, "Do you need any help?"

"No! Just lie down and relax!" Ren answered. He got some raw chicken and set it down. "How the hell do I do this?" he said to himself. He just opened the package and slapped the chicken on the skillet. He went back and sat on the couch and waited for it to cook.

"Ren, I'm still cold!" Stimpy complained.

"Do you want me to get you another blanket?"

Stimpy crawled up next to Ren and cuddled next to him and purred. Suddenly, he felt something hit the inside of his stomach. He gasped and rapidly tapped on Ren's shoulder. "Hey Ren! I felt the baby kicking!"

"Really?! Let me feel!" Stimpy pulled the blanket off and Ren put his hand and ear up against his tummy and waited. "I don't feel anything."

"Be patient! It probably has stage fright." Stimpy told him.

Ren was getting rather impatient. When he was about to give up, he felt something kick his hand. He looked up at Stimpy with big, puppy-dog eyes and smiled.

Stimpy looked at him the same way. "Did you feel that, Ren?"

"Yeah I did!" He rubbed where he felt the kick and said, "I still can't believe we're going to be parents soon!"

"Me neither!" Stimpy said. Suddenly, he held his crotch and whimpered, "Oooh! I gotta go pee again!" He got up and went to go pee.

"Don't fall in!" Ren joked. As Stimpy was peeing, Ren heard the phone ran, and went to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hoek, you're in deep shit now!" roared a loud, booming voice from the other end.

"Mr. Boss Man! What do you want?" Ren asked, surprised.

"Do you know how many days you've taken off from work? You spent half of the month I was gone at your home and 2 weeks a month at your home after I came back! What in the flying fuck were you thinking?!"

"Hey, boss! Let's not overreact about this now!"

"OVERREACT?! YOU'RE COSTING ME MONEY! I GIVE YOU A PROMOTION TO BE MY RIGHT HAND MAN AND **THIS **IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?"

"Boss, I'm really sorry! I'm just going through a lot of stuff right now!"

"I don't care if you're on your damn period! If you ever miss a day of work again, YOU WILL BE FIRED! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

"B-but-"

"DON'T TALK BACK DO ME! DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME!" Mr. Boss Man commanded. "YOU BETTER BE HERE TOMORROW! UNDERSTAND?"

". . . . Yes, sir."

Mr. Boss Man hung up immediately. Ren put the phone down and frowned.

Stimpy came out of the bathroom. "Who was on the phone, honey?"

Ren covered his face with his hand and sighed. "It. . . it was my boss. He found out I've been ditching work and now I'm fucked."

Stimpy frowned and walked over to Ren. "What's he gonna do?"

"I'm probably gonna have to work overtime with no break for this. My pay check's probably gonna be cut, too." Ren said sadly. "And I won't be home with you anymore. I won't be able to take care of you"

"You should've just focused on work and not worried about me!" Stimpy said, both sad and angry.

"But what if you need me? What if you go into labor or something and I'm not here?"

"That won't happen!" Stimpy told him reassuringly. "Look, I know you're worried, and that's sweet, but you need to focus on keeping your job to help support this baby! I'm a grown adult, Ren, and if something goes wrong, I can handle it myself! I'll call an ambulance so they can get me!"

"No, I want to be there! You call ME if ANYTHING happens!"

"But what about your job?"

"Screw my job! If I get fired, I'll find a new one!"

Stimpy put his hands on his hips. "Ren, do you know how long it took you to find the job you have now? It took you 2 years to find that job! How long do you think it will take to find a new-" Stimpy sniffed the air and his eyes got real big and wide. "Uh, Ren?!"

"What is it?"

"Were you cooking something?!" Stimpy asked frantically.

"Oh, yeah I was cooking some-"

Stimpy yelled, "IT'S ON FIRE!" He pointed to the kitchen. A giant fire was engulfing the entire oven in a blanket of flames.

"OH SHIT!" Ren ran into the kitchen, filled a bucket up with water and poured it onto the fire, putting it out. He growled, "I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING RIGHT!" and angrily threw the bucket at the wall.

Stimpy covered his ears and screamed, "Ren, please just stop!"

Ren started to slightly cry. "I-I can't do this anymore! This is driving me insane!"

"What do you mean by that?" Stimpy asked, his eyes widening with worry.

"I'm tired of work! I'm tired of living in a town of morons! I'm tired of my stupid fat-ass boss! I'm-"

"Did you mean me? And. . . and the baby?"

Ren looked at him and paused. "No, I'm just- I'm just stressed out!"

"Then calm down! Look, everything is going to work out!"

"NO IT'S NOT! I'M PROBABLY GONNA GET FIRED! AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I'M ALSO GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE MY PREGNANT WIFE ALL BY HIMSELF! AND NEAR THE DUE DATE, NO LESS!"

Tears were appearing on Stimpy's face. "Ren, I beg of you! Just calm down! Trust me that everything will be. . . fine." Stimpy held his head and got droopy-eyed.

Ren looked at him. "Stimpy, what's wrong?!"

"I f-feel dizzy. . ."

Ren went over and took Stimpy's hand and helped him upstairs to the bedroom. "You need rest!" He laid him down on the bed. Since he had to go to work early, he got in bed, too.

The next day at Ren's work:

It was about 11:00 at night, and Ren was still at work. He's been working for about 15 hours today. Mr. Boss Man was still extremely pissed at Ren, and was planning on making him work like this for a whole year. Ren sat at his desk, staring intently at the clock and waiting for the time to go by so he could go home and take care of Stimpy.

Mr. Boss Man poked his fat head into the doorway of Ren's office with a sarcastic smile. "Hey Hoek! How are you doing?"

"Can I leave yet?"

"What do you think?"

Ren grunted grumpily. He crossed his arms and looked the other way.

"I have to stay here for another 5 hours because of you! So now, you get to stay here with me! How's that sound?"

Ren stared at him and said, "Are you fucking kidding me? I am NOT staying here that long!"

"Oh yes you are!" Mr. Boss Man shouted. "Me and you are gonna work all damn night! This company has lost at least $5000 dollars without you here, and you're gonna get it back, understand?"

Ren growled, "I understand."

"Good." Mr. Boss Man went back to his office.

". . . . Stupid son of a bitch." Ren murmured.

Later at 2:00 am with Stimpy:

Stimpy was lying in bed. He couldn't sleep. He's been wondering about Ren all day. When he woke up, Ren was already at work. It was now very early at night and Ren hadn't come back yet. Stimpy rubbed his giant belly and sighed. "I hope his boss wasn't too rough on him."

He got up and went to the window to see if Ren had pulled up. He wasn't here yet. Stimpy was feeling worried. He decided to just go to sleep until he got home. Suddenly, as he was walking towards the bed, he felt an excruciating pain in his stomach. He flinched and fell to his knees, hugging his stomach.

"Ow! Oh boy, this hurts!" Stimpy attempted to get into bed, but fell back down. "Ooooh, no! W-where's Ren?" Stimpy finally managed to stand up. Then he felt a sharp pain in his lower region. He felt liquid pour from between his legs, splattering all over the floor.

Stimpy gasped, "Oh my God! My-my water broke! I g-gotta call Ren!" He stumbled towards the nightstand where the phone was. He reached for it, but knocked over the table clumsily. "Oh, come ON!" he said as he bent over and got the phone and dialed in the number. The phone started ringing until Ren finally picked up.

"Hello?" said Ren, sounding tired and mad at the same time.

"Ren, is that you?! I-I need you!" Stimpy said frantically from the other end of the line.

"Stimpy? Stimpy, what's wrong?!"

"Ren, my w-water broke! It's time!"

"W-WHAT? HOLD ON! I'M ON MY WAY!" Ren jumped out of his seat and headed out of his office. But a big fat object was in his way.

"Where the hell do you think YOU'RE going?" Mr. Boss Man asked.

"Get out of my way! I-I have to go! NOW!"

"You're not going anywhere! You are staying right-"

Ren pointed an angry finger at him. "LISTEN, YOU SADISTIC ASSHOLE! MY WIFE NEEDS ME! SO ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF MY WAY OR NOT?!"

"I don't care! Your wife can wait! I-"

"SHE'S HAVING A FUCKING BABY RIGHT NOW!" Ren said furiously right up in Mr. Boss Man's face. "THAT'S THE REASON WHY I'VE BEEN CUTTING WORK! AND I HAVE TO GET HOME TO HIM RIGHT NOW BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL!"

"W-what? Why didn't you just say so?! Go on! Get out! Go to your wife-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I DON'T NEED YOUR MOTIVATION!" Ren pushed his boss out of his way and ran to his car and quickly drove off. As he was driving, Ren was blocked off by traffic. Cars were honking and people were screaming out insults. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

Ren drove off between the 2 rows of vehicles, bumping into several cars in the two stopped up lanes. But then, he was stopped by a police officer. "Hey! Did you see what you just did? You can't do that!"

"But officer! My wife is at home and he's going through labor! I have to get to him!"

"Why didn't you just say so?" The officer took out a grenade and threw it at the traffic, clearing a path for Ren that lead all the way to his house. "There you go! Now hurry!"

Ren raced down the road, passing all of the burnt car parts and carcasses of innocent civilians. When he finally pulled into his driveway, he leaped out and ran into the house. "Stimpy! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"I'm up here!" Stimpy yelled from upstairs.

Ren ran up the steps into the bedroom. He saw Stimpy on the bed, gripping onto the sheets and squirming around painfully. He ran to Stimpy's side. "Stimpy, are you OK?"

"Y-yes! Just call the ambu-ambulance!" Stimpy said, breathing heavily.

"An ambulance? I can just DRIVE you to the hospital!" Ren argued.

"No offense, Ren, b-but you drive like a lunatic and I don't t-trust you in a car one bit, especially when I'm having a b-baby!"

"Fine, I'll call an ambulance!" Ren went over to the telephone and dialed 911.

"Hello, this is 911! What's your emergency?"

"I NEED AN AMBULANCE OVER AT MY HOUSE!" Ren shouted at the phone.

"Sir, you need to calm down," said the lady, "Now tell me what's wrong."

"Okay, my wife is having a baby and I need an ambulance to come get us!"

"OK sir, I'll send one right over. Now just sit tight and an ambulance will pick you up shortly."

After an ambulance came:

Stimpy was put in a wheelchair and rushed out of the house and into the back of the ambulance along with Ren. The ambulance was now speeding down the road with its siren going off and its lights flashing.

"R-Ren, I'm s-scared!" Stimpy said, looking at Ren.

Ren took his hand and gripped it. "Don't worry, Stimpy baby! Everything is gonna be okay! Just breathe and try to relax!"

Stimpy cringed and screamed horrifyingly loud. He clutched tightly onto Ren's hand and started shaking with pain. "AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH! HURRY UP AND GET TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL ALREADY!"

"Stimpy, calm down! We'll be there soon!" Ren said, rubbing Stimpy's hand and trying to help him get calm. "Look at me! Breathe in," Ren took in air, "breathe out!" he breathed out slowly.

Stimpy breathed in and out like Ren said and started to calm down a little. He was sweating like a hog and was breathing heavily and shakily. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes droopily.

After the ambulance finally reached the hospital, it parked in front of the main entrance. The paramedics rushed Stimpy inside and took him straight to the delivery room. Stimpy was laid down onto a cot with his legs spread apart and set of footholds at the bottom of the cot.

A Nurse, who strangely looked like a sheep, walked in. "Hello! I'm Nurse Sheep! The doctor will be here soon, so just try to relax until he arrives." She got out a clipboard and a pen and gave them to Ren. "I need you to fill this out."

Ren looked at the clipboard. There was a paper under the clip. "Occupation? Age? Name? I'm sorry, but what does all this shit have to do with our baby?"

"I don't know, sir. Just please fill it out."

Ren sighed angrily and started filling out all of the blank spaces on the paper. "Hey, Stimpy? What's your maiden name again?"

"Kadogan."

"OK. Um, what's your shoe size?"

"I think it's an adult 4."

"How many teeth do you have?"

"About 30 or something."

2 hours of question-answering later:

"Okay, we're done with the retarded paper, bitch." Ren said, holding out the clipboard and pen to the nurse.

"Great! Now just hold tight until the doctor arrives!" Nurse Sheep said as she left the room.

Ren looked around and scoffed. "Ugh, they took us to the crappy ghetto hospital with all kinds of mold and grime on the walls!"

"Now, now, Ren! These are professionals! I'm sure they know what they're doing!" said Stimpy confidently.

"Yeah, well would it kill them to get the blood and other various types of body fluids off of the damn walls? This is the hospital our baby's gonna be brought into the world at!"

Suddenly, the door opened and a doctor, who strangely looked like a horse, walked in, looking confident and full of pride. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hoek! I'm Dr. Mr. Horse, and I will be delivering your lovechild today!"

Ren stared at him and said, "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Mr. Hoek, I can assure you I can do this. I've done this hundreds of thousands of times before." Dr. Mr. Horse said as he put rubber gloves over his hooves.

"Alright then." Ren said.

"NURSE! I NEED MY TOOLS!" The doctor yelled out.

The nurse ran into the room with a tray table with all sorts of tools on it. "Yes, sir!"

Stimpy eyed the tools nervously. "W-what are those tools for?"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Hoek. They're not for you." The doctor told him. "They're for the baby."

"Huh?!" Stimpy gasped.

"Just calm down, Mrs. Hoek! We don't plan on hurting it," the doctor said. "Try to calm down and relax and I'll be with you shortly." Dr. Mr. Horse walked off to the back of the room with Nurse Sheep.

Ren stroked Stimpy's hand and smiled sheepishly at him. "Are you as excited as I am? About finally being parents?" he asked.

"To be honest, I'm a little frightened. What if one of us dies in the process? What if it's already dead and I give birth to a carcass?"

Ren made a face of disgust. "Ugh, good God, Stimpy! Don't put that image into my mind!"

Dr. Mr. Horse came back with a face mask around his mouth and nose. "Alright, you two! Are you ready to have a baby?"

"Yes, please! This hurts like hell!" Stimpy told him.

"I bet it does!" Dr. Mr. Horse said. Then he looked at Ren. "Mr. Hoek, would you like to stay here and observe the miracle of childbirth, or would you like to wait outside?"

Ren looked down. He saw Stimpy looking at him with fearful eyes, and he felt him squeeze his hand harder. He looked up back to the doctor and said, "I'll stay here and support my wife."

"Alrighty, then. Now, Mrs. Hoek, what I need you to do now is push. And breathe! Don't forget to breathe." Dr. Mr. Horse explained.

Stimpy nodded. He started to push and gripped onto the sheets of the cot.

"You have to push harder, Mrs. Hoek!" said the doctor.

"I-I can't! It's too painful!" Stimpy cried out.

"Come on! You can do it! The faster you get it done, the faster the pain will be relieved! Now when I say 'Push', you push as hard as you can!" the doctor commanded.

Ren tightened his grip on Stimpy's hand. "It's OK! I've got you! Just give it all you've got!" he said encouragingly.

Stimpy tried to push again, harder than before. He started grunting and jerking around out of pain.

"Harder!"

Stimpy pushed as hard as he possibly could. He was now sweating, and his face was turning red from exhaustion.

Nurse Sheep came over and put a wet rag over Stimpy's forehead to cool him off. "How's that, Doc?"

"Perfect. Thanks, nurse." The doctor told the nurse.

This went on for the next 2 to 3 hours. No matter how much Stimpy pushed, nothing happened.

The doctor asked impatiently, "Can't you push any harder?"

"NO! I CAN'T! I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN!" Stimpy shouted out.

"Well, apparently not, because we've been doing this for hours and nothing's coming-"

Nurse Sheep tapped on Dr. Mr. Horse's shoulder. "Um, doctor? I think you should have a look at this." She held up thin blue sheets so that he could see.

Dr. Mr. Horse's eyes widened. "Oh my."

"What? What is it?" Ren asked anxiously.

The doctor continued to study the sheets. "That is NOT good."

"What's wrong?!" Stimpy worriedly asked.

Dr. Mr. Horse looked at the couple with a sad look on his face. "I'm afraid that your baby is. . . stuck."

"Stuck? What's that supposed to mean?!" Ren asked.

"It means it won't come out the traditional way. It looks like we're going to have to do surgery and. . . cut out of Mrs. Hoek."

Stimpy stared in shock with wide eyes full of horror. "Cut it out? Of-of me?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

Ren looked at Stimpy with a scared expression. "You're going to cut open my wife?!"

Dr. Mr. Horse said, "We have no other choice! We have to get that baby out somehow and there's no other option then surgery! I'm sorry, Mr. Hoek."

"But-but there HAS to be another way!" Ren yelled, close to tears.

"There isn't another way." The doctor put a hoof on Ren's shoulder. "Listen, your wife and your baby will be fine. I'm one of the state's finest surgeons. I've done this tons of times before! I know what I'm doing."

Nurse Sheep went over to Stimpy's side and brought a mask-like object to his face. He stared breathing in its fumes and began to doze off.

Before he fell asleep completely, Ren took his hand and said, "Stimpy, you don't have to worry! The doctor will take good care of you!"

Stimpy slightly smiled. "I know he will."

"And-and when you wake up, we're going to be parents! You're going to be a mommy, OK?"

Stimpy's voice got quieter and his eyes slowly closed. "I-I love you. . . Ren," he muttered. Then he was out cold, and his hand let go of its grip on Ren's hand.

Ren had tears coming down his face. "I love you, too!" he cried softly.

Dr. Mr. Horse walked him out of the room. "Don't worry, Mr. Hoek. Your wife is in good hands. Go ahead and sit in the waiting room."

Ren slowly walked towards the waiting room and sat next to an old fat guy with a 5 O' Clock shadow who was reading a People magazine. He sighed and covered his face with his hands. Then he started to cry again, and cried so much, tears were pouring from between his fingers,

The old fat guy looked up from his magazine and saw Ren crying into his hands. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.

Ren sniffed and wiped his tears away. "It's. . . it's my wife. He's going through an operation right now."

"What's it for? Breast implants?"

"No!" Ren told him sternly. "He was having a baby! Then there was a complication and now they have to cut it out."

"Damn. That's rough" the old man said.

"Why are you here?" Ren asked curiously.

"My brother had a heart attack. Then he passed out and hit his head on the table, and he has a big dent in is skull," he told him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ren said sympathetically.

"Aw, he's fine. He's my brother, after all!"

"You're not worried?"

"Naw, not really. He's been through much worse," the old man explained. "Besides, whenever stuff like that happens, you just gotta put your trust in the doctors that they'll help you. I trust them, so I don't have to worry,"

"You're not even worried a LITTLE that they might screw up?" Ren asked the old fat guy.

"Nope. You just have to believe that they'll be successful."

Ren stared at him silently, and then said, "Believe? That sounds a bit retarded."

"Yeah, I know. Just deal with it, OK? It's the best motivational speech I can come up with."

"OK," Ren shrugged. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and got up out of his chair. "You wanna smoke?" he asked the man.

"Sure." The old man got up and walked outside with him. He took one of Ren's cigarettes and lit it. "Thanks. I needed that."

"You're welcome." Ren said. He then took a big puff of smoke and the entire cigarette was gone in one breath.

"You must be pretty stressed out there, cowboy."

Ren sighed. "I'm tired."

"I hear that. I've been here for about 3 hours," the old man said.

"I've been here for about 6. And I've worked for 18 hours today, just about."

The old man whistled, "And you're wife's having a baby right now? Damn, boy. You've got a lot going on for such a tiny little feller."

Ren put the pack back in his pocket. "I'm going to take a nap."

"OK. See ya later, then," the old fat man waved goodbye.

Ren sat back down in the chair and leaned back, closing his eyes.

Later:

Ren woke up 5 hours later with the sun shining bright. He yawned and stretched his arms up. "Oh crap, did I sleep too long?" He looked around for the doctor or the nurse. "Is the surgery over with? Where are they? Where's Stimpy?"

Suddenly, the phone rang at the front desk and a red haired nurse picked it up. "Hello? OK I'll tell him. Bye." She set the phone down and said, "Ren Hoek? Can you come here, please?"

Ren got up and walked over to the desk. "What is it, lady?"

"The doctor is finished with the operation. Your wife is ready to see you now," she told him.

"OK!" Ren ran over to the room where he last saw Stimpy and swung the door open.

The doctor greeted him. "Ah! Mr. Hoek! I see you're awake now!"

"Where's Stimpy?!" Ren asked, seeing that the cot was empty.

"He's in the recovery room next door. Here, I'll go with you." Dr. Mr. Horse walked out with Ren to the room next door.

They opened the door, and Ren saw Stimpy lying there resting. "Mrs, Hoek, your husband is here to see you." Dr. Mr. Horse said. Then he left and closed the door behind him.

Stimpy looked up at Ren, and his eyes lit up with glee. "Ren!" he said softly.

Ren went over to Stimpy's bedside and sat next to him. "Hi, darling!" he said. He leaned over and kissed him. "How do you feel?"

"A little sore," Stimpy answered, "but that's all."

Ren took his hand and kissed it. "I was worried about you."

"I was worried about me, too!" Stimpy said. Then he started to giggle.

Ren looked around the room. "Hey, where's the baby? Have you seen it yet?"

"No. The doctor said they took it to get it cleaned up. I haven't seen it yet."

"I wonder what it is!" Ren said excitedly.

"It doesn't matter what it is to me. I just hope it's okay."

Suddenly, the door opened and Nurse Sheep walked in, carrying something wrapped in a white blanket. "Hello, you two. Are you ready to see your new baby?"

Ren and Stimpy stared at the nurse, both grinning ear to ear. Stimpy slowly held out his arms and took the bundle from the nurse's hands.

"What is it?!" Ren asked impatiently, leaning over to see the newborn child.

Stimpy slowly lifted part of the blanket up to see the baby's face. He gasped and his eyes lit up from joy. "Oh, Ren! It's a little girl!" Stimpy gently squealed, "She's so beautiful!"

Ren saw the baby's face. She looked exactly like Ren, except she had reddish-blonde fur, green eyes, and a brown birthmark over her left eye. Ren smiled and sighed happily. He stuck out his finger and she grabbed it. "She's so tiny."

"She looks just like you, Ren," Stimpy said, looking up at Ren with tear-filled eyes.

"Yeah, she does. Sort of."

Stimpy was silent and stared at their new baby for a moment. "Well, Ren. The baby's finally here. You wanna give her a name?"

Ren took the child into his arms and cradled it and gazed into her lime-green eyes. "Olivia. Sweet little Olivia."

Stimpy smiled and said, "That's a beautiful name, Ren."

"Of course it is. I came up with it!" Ren said playfully.

Stimpy laughed. "Olivia it is, then."

Olivia looked up at Ren and smiled. She started to giggle and reach out for him.

Ren smiled. "Look at her, Stimpy. Our child is more precious than I ever imagined."

"Isn't she?" Stimpy said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"I love you, Stimpy," Ren said to him.

"I love you, too, Ren." Stimpy kisses Ren and little Olivia on the forehead.

Then they all lived happily ever after

THE END


End file.
